Mainly for Men: Robots or a Real Wife?

In my previous blog, I looked at Jesus’s statement that committing adultery need not include physical contact. He said that simply looking and lusting after a woman is the same as actually taking part in adultery.

His teaching is very appropriate today as it is so easy to access ultra-high-definition pornography that encourages this type of adultery. There is no difference between a married man looking and lusting at an electronic image of an idealised woman, and lusting after a real woman who is not his wife.

Bizarrely, relationship counsellors are now reporting that for some men, porn or remote/virtual encounters have become more attractive than a natural physical connexion with a loving spouse.

Porn and remote/virtual encounters are effectively robots. Robots that trigger a cocktail of pleasure inducing chemicals to flood the brain. Robots that mimic the neurochemical pattern of real sex and natural bonding between two humans, often reducing desire for the real thing. They can set up stimuli that interfere with the married relationship and can destroy the marriage itself. For the unmarried they can set up a pattern of behaviour that might be difficult to break in the future.

Any pleasure producing action can become a habit, a habit can become compulsive behaviour and compulsive behaviour can quickly become an addiction.

However, most habits and addictions suffer from the law of diminishing returns. The more the habit is practised the more it has to be practised in order to get the same effect. This means that cutting the frequency of use down will not eliminate the desire to use. It also means that there is a danger that the user will be tempted to engage in more and more extreme versions of the habit just to get the same fix. That is why porn addiction often goes beyond ‘just watching’ to meeting escorts or developing an adulterous friendship.

Breaking free from any type of psychological habit/addiction, including a sexual one, isn’t usually easy, but is always doable.

Many men with a habit/addiction refuse to believe they have a problem. The phenomenon of denial applies to any type of addiction. To break free, it’s essential to recognise the habit is wrong and resolve to completely stop. It may take a great deal of effort and help from a counsellor.

The Bible in James 1.5 says “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”
 
If you want to be free, ask God for wisdom to know how exactly to go about it!
In future blogs I will discuss in detail some practical steps to do just that.

I will also look at addictions to a substance, such as alcohol or heroin. But stopping an addiction to a substance must always be done under medical supervision.

In the mean time someone who wants to break free from a porn habit should:

1. Immediately remove all links to porn or compromising sites from all devices
2. Clear browser history completely
3. Set all search engine preferences to block so called ‘adult content’
4. Install a reliable website blocker
5. Consider speaking to another man they trust for accountability